It's a beautiful, gorgeous spring day and ordinarily I would be hugely happy to walk about Dublin enjoying the sunshine but today it's not helping overmuch. As well as sad I feel incomparably stupid. Like a kid who used to believe in Santa Claus and has just found out that Mom and Dad have been deceiving him all this while. It sucks. I saw Him today, walking across the cobble stones at Trinity College. He's evil, but still beautiful, and I would take him back in a heartbeat. He didn't see me though, because I scurried away and lurked in a doorway pretending to check my texts.
I have decided to go out every night until I feel better. I don't even care if I have to go out alone. There's a film festival on and at least in the dark nobody can see that you've been crying. I know that I look awful. To make matters worse, I haven't stopped eating since the weekend, and it's already starting to show.
This week, there's a Festival of Russian Culture on in Temple Bar, just across the river from my apartment, and I am hoping that it's gonna involve some suitably gloomy Russian art or something. I haven't really checked it out yet, but I have read quite a lot of Russian novels, and I've seen some plays, and if there's one thing the Russian really do with style (and I'm sure there's a lot more than one thing), it's melancholy. I don't care; I am not going to try to cheer up. I'm miserable, and if I have to be miserable I might as well do it properly. I'm going to check out the festival after college today and here's hoping that there will be some soulful movies about love gone wrong and stuff. Because that's what seems to be the flavour of the month around here.
[sniff]
The one good thing is, college is going well and I think I'm really beginning to focus on the idea of doing more research next year. This isn't the best time in the world to find a good "career" job, so I'm thinking a couple more years of study would be not a bad idea.
Posted by
towniegirl
3 comments:
Don't underestimate Russians' capacity to be cheerful as well as melancholy! That festival sounds like a lot of fun. I wonder if it's going to be an annual event?
I must tell you, I've thoroughly enjoyed reading your blogs. We (my husband and I) will be arriving in Dublin on Saturday morning. Reading your blog has given me a taste of the place and I've found your writing brings me back to the computer for more. Boy, was I bummed when I read about your weekend. Yeah, I'm sorry. Not much more to say than that. But, I'm glad you are leaning toward the "staying & doing school" thing.
Thanks, Anonymous. I'm so glad you've enjoyed my blog, and I think the timing is good for your vacation. Spring is making its presence felt, after a long winter, and there's a lot to do! If you haven't chosen a place to stay yet, I'd recommend somewhere near the centre, maybe around Christchurch/Grafton Street/Stephen's Green, as that way you'll be able to walk everywhere--a lot of the sights are in a fairly tight area downtown and personally I prefer walking than any other way of getting around.
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